Today, I feel the need to speak up about an experience which has made me realize the importance of my family, my network, and especially, my LGBTQ community.
Just before Canada Day, I left New York City to visit one of my best friend's in Toronto, Canada. As a Canadian myself, born in Vancouver, I was eager to escape the tense atmosphere that envelops me in America, and return to a peaceful place with a warm, uplifting culture. On my third and final full day in Toronto, I went on a boat trip along with my best friend, her boyfriend, and two of his friends: Elena Foulidis and Michael Humeniuk. Elena, a student at University of Toronto and a server at L'Espresso Bar de Mercurio, and Michael Humeniuk, currently unemployed and recently dropped out of Trinity College, where he was studying medicine.
While these two new people made me feel slightly uncomfortable for reasons I did not quite understand, they slowly became clearer as the day went on. I was the only LGBTQ identifying person on the boat, but my best friend and her boyfriend were happy to take me to Hanlan's Point, a clothing optional beach, heavily frequented by members of the LGBTQ+ community. When Michael told me that he expected to see "Lots of creepers," I did not understand what he meant at first, but I assured him that Hanlan's Point would be a place that all should feel welcome, regardless of sexual orientation, and that any man who may or may not look at him was harmless. This fear of gay males looking at him made me recall the homophobia I experienced in high school, knowing that my presence made males feel uncomfortable, particularly in places like change rooms, locker rooms, or anywhere men remove clothing briefly. This is what would be classified as a 'micro aggression,' as it was not direct aggression at me, but made me feel uncomfortable.
Neither Elena nor her boyfriend Michael had brought much onto the boat, except for a large, glass bottle of unsweetened cranberry juice, which was dark in colour. At one point, the boat swerved, and the bottle of juice smashed all over my brand new Raf Simons sandals that I was excited about. Of course I blamed nobody, but I could not help but think it was careless and dangerous to bring a glass bottle onto a swinging boat.
Eventually, we arrived at the beach where Michael decided for him and his girlfriend that neither would go to the shore, and based on his prior comment I was not surprised. The more I thought about the day the more I thought it could not hurt to politely ask Elena to help fund replacing the heavily damaged pair of sandals. My message read as such, "Hi Elena! It was great meeting you in Toronto. I really hate to do this and I know it was a total accident but the sandals I brought on the boat that day were brand new and kind of expensive and after trying to get all
The dark red cranberry stains out, they are still super damaged. Would you be willing to transfer me some money for the cost of getting a new pair? Obviously not the whole amount but even if you can send 30 or 40 CAD that would help. The glass made a bunch of big scratches too. Let me know!"
I wanted to make sure my message was open ended, leaving her surface area to say she could not afford to help pay for new sandals, or for her to tell me this idea made her uncomfortable. Instead, the exchange went South when she wrote, "I hope you get AIDs" (see above screenshot), and wrote that the message was from Michael. As I received that message, I could feel all the trauma and bullying I experienced in my life suddenly come back to me, my hands started shaking and all I could reply was, "That's super homophobic and fucked up," to which she replied, "You're super fucked up," this time, not claiming it was Michael who wrote it. I responded in anger then blocked Elena, fearing she would send more hateful, trauma-inducing messages.
I decided to speak up, and posted this status on facebook about the incident,
"Today I received this message of blatant and deplorable hate speech from Michael Humeniuk via his girlfriend Elena Foulidis wherein they told me that they hoped that i would contract AIDS. While this is a classic and heavily used piece of hate speech towards the LGBTQ community, it also means that you are telling someone you hope they die a slow, terrible death. I met Mike and Elena through one of my best friends in Toronto, Canada, and wrote politely to Elena about some sandals that had gotten damaged by a glass bottle of blood red cranberry juice that stained some brand new sandals, but i did not expect them to respond in the manner they did. I truly hope that anyone who has any knowledge of these two people holds them accountable for this kind of hateful rhetoric and that they never say it to ANYONE, EVER AGAIN. If you know either of these people, feel free to have a polite and stern conversation with them about why this kind of hate speech is completely unacceptable and inappropriate on all levels, regardless of reason or circumstance. I don’t want anyone else shaking the way I did when I received that hurtful and shocking message. Sending love and prayers to all those people who have to deal with this kind of hate on a more regular basis, with you I stand."
Unsurprisingly, plenty of folks were alarmed by this behaviour and chose to get in touch with Elena's workplace, L'Espresso Bar Mercurio, who, to this day, has yet to respond or acknowledge any of these complaints, and instead has had some of the posts about it removed by Facebook. Michael, on the other hand, has received less of the heat from the incident, as he is still unemployed and not in school.
Regardless, I believe that it is important that we continue to hold all those who discriminate against ANYONE accountable, whether that is the LGBTQ+ community, sexism, racism, or discrimination of any kind. To mock AIDS is offensive not only to the disease, one which kills slowly and painfully, but to the many who have died from this terrible disease in North America, particularly in the 1980's and 1990's, and those who still die from this disease around the world, particularly in third world countries where access to condoms is rare.
I think it is important that Trinity College and any organization or employment that has any affiliation with Michael Humeniuk seriously consider how his actions and words may effect their business in the future, and how his name may tarnish the brand of the business or school. I believe Elena is sadly heavily influenced by her boyfriend, 5 years her senior, but still, as a 20 year old adult, is equally in the wrong for permitting him to send such a hateful message on her behalf.
At this point, I have done everything in my power to raise awareness about the hate speech these two people have inflicted on me, in the hope that neither of them will ever commit any verbal or physical hate crimes to anyone, ever. The repercussions that may or may not result from their choices, words, and actions are solely up to their employers and universities, and not up to me. At the end of the day, the responsibility falls entirely on them, and however they choose to handle what has escalated, is out of my hands. Neither of these two is uneducated or from a part of the world where homophobia is a part of the culture; instead, these two are educated, healthy individuals from a comfortable socio-economic circumstance, and frankly, should know better than to ever say anything so hurtful to anyone. I hope that this unfortunate situation is an opportunity for growth for both of them, and that one day they will understand the gravity, severity, and impact of hate speech.
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